


Sans Runs For President

by brotatochip (LightseekerGameWing), mr_pingpongball



Category: American Revolution RPF, Undertale (Video Game), nonfiction - Fandom, this totally happened bro - Fandom
Genre: (I'm talking about Obama), (obama is ace), @ halemadge shippers pls forgive me, Asexual Relationships, Bill Nye the Science Bi, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Chara Breaks the 4th Wall, Crack, Eventual Chara/Sans, F/F, F/M, He has a crush on Nathan Hale, Humor, I'm so sorry, If you are here, If you can guess who, Joe Biden is the Ultimate Wingman, M/M, Meta, Mike Pence is Gay, Ms. Frizzle is Out For Revenge, Narrator Chara, Nonfiction, Not because I ship it tho, Only God can help you now, Other, Resets, Sans Remembers Resets, Sans and Chara Hate Each Other, Somebody is secretly Spongebob, Strong Female Characters, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author is a character, Time Travel, and, and one thing led to another, and/or kill me, brotatochip had a dream about sans being president once, for literally no reason, you'll get a prize
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-01
Updated: 2017-12-05
Packaged: 2019-01-07 12:10:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12232548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LightseekerGameWing/pseuds/brotatochip, https://archiveofourown.org/users/mr_pingpongball/pseuds/mr_pingpongball
Summary: When Donald Trump is elected president, the population of Monsters Are Here I Guess reels. It quickly becomes clear that there's only one way to save the timeline: Reset, and get someone else elected. But who?Sans.





	1. When Life Gives You Cheetos, Time Travel

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PotterHeadedMe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PotterHeadedMe/gifts), [god](https://archiveofourown.org/users/god/gifts), [Breadstick_child](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Breadstick_child/gifts).



> god help us all

It was an ordinary day in the peaceful town of Monsters Are Here I Guess. Birds were singing. Flowers were blooming. Everything was chillax, bro, and a walking cheeto was not about to be elected president.

At least that's what everyone thought.

When Barack woke up on November 10th, he switched on the TV. He and his husband, Sans, had been so sure of the election's results that they went to bed early. Barack, the early riser he was, was the first to wake up. Of course, that could have just been relative, seeing as Sans woke up at 11:00 am sharp. The former president always rose at 4:20 am sharp, ready to tackle the day. He worked as a fry cook at Kentucky Fried McWendys King, making gourmet Krabby Patties. He was one of the few people who knew the secret recipe, even though he wasn't Spongebob at all! Just thinking of it made him laugh. It was a repetitive laugh, like Spongebob's. It was very high pitched, like Spongebob's. His mouth opened up until it was the size of Upstate New York, just like Spongebob's.

Sans walked in. "what are you laughing about, my husband barack obama?"

"I'm laughing because I'm not Spongebob. Daaaaaaaaaaa!" He laughed again, just like Spongebob would.

sans dabbed sadly as the fidget spinner that was his soul began to twirl. "didn't you hear?" his eye lights disappeared. "the cheeto is the president."

All at once, ~~Sp~~ Obama's laughter stopped. His mouth fell open in shock. "What," he said softly.

"donald trump is the president of the united states," sans said, his eternal smile faltering. 

Obama collapsed in shock. "Call... 9...1...1," he gasped.

* * *

 

The emergency room was small and sterile. The lights blinded and the silence deafened doctors and visitors alike.

"Is Dad going to be okay?" Asked Obama's Kid #1.

"No, sweetie," Dr. Oz said. "He has Antidaephobia. The only way to cure him is if he either removes all the duck feathers from his bloodstream with my patented Take All of the Harmful Toxins Out of Your Body Kit, or if you can travel back in time and stop Donald J. Trump from being elected."

"But that's impossible!" Joe Biden cried. "There's no way to travel back in time!"

"Um. Can I see you guys outside for a minute?" Frisk asked, glancing nervously at Dr. Oz. "Also this man is not a medical professional. He should not be treating Barack."

"YES I SHOULD!" Dr. Oz cried. "I AM A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL! REMOVING DUCKS FROM THE BLOODSTREAM IS A PROVEN WAY TO TREAT CANCER, AS WELL AS EVERY OTHER DISEASE KNOWN TO MANKIND!!"

Chara opened their mouth to say something snarky, even though they were a ghost and nobody could hear them. Unfortunately, they were interrupted by a nurse walking in. She glared at Dr. Oz. "Sir, please leave the room. This is the fifth time you've done this today, and the eighteenth time this week. Mr. Paul would like to see you."

"UGH, fine," Dr. Oz said, stomping out of the room and slamming the door. "I never liked having a steady salary and a nicely-sized home anyways!"

"Um," Frisk said, fidgeting slightly with their fidget spinners. "I can kind of time travel sort of?"

Barack Obama awoke from his coma to make a loud shrieking noise, then instantly fell back into it. Sans gave him an odd look, then turned back to the child in the sweater. Not the invisible one, even though he could see them somehow so I can set up further plot points, but to Frisk. "What."

"Um. Yeah. I can only travel to the last time I touched [insert SAVE point description here]. The author doesn't want to give a good description, so she's just going to leave that there."

"Okay," Sans said. "When was the last time you touched the [insert SAVE point description here]?"

"June 16th, 2015," they replied. "I had a weird feeling something was going to happen, so I walked Underground and touched [insert SAVE point description here]. That was at, like, 4:20 am."

Sans' eye lights turned indigo yellow. "That was when Trump announced his candidacy."

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Frisk asked, grinning.

"no," Sans said. "i was going to suggest getting a nice plate of nachos before barack here wakes up. he has a gluten sensitivity."

Just then, Alphys walked in. "I. Um. I don't know what to say b-because the au-author isn't g-giving me any dialogue, s-so I'm just going to stand in the corner and st-stutter until I'm needed for plot purposes." She promptly did exactly what she said she'd do.

"Brotatochip needs to get better at writing," Chara said. Sans glared at them because I need tension in the plot, leave me alone.

"stop breaking the fourth wall," he growled. "mr. pingpongball is trying to make something semi-serious."

"Well, so is Brotatochip," I said, crossing my arms.   

"Who are you talking to?" Shouted Barack Obama, awakening from his coma yet again. "Who is Brotatochip? Who is breaking the fourth wall? What is the fourth wall? Who is Mr. Pingpongball? Who is Chara? Why are you doing this to me, Sans?"

Every hospital in the nation went deathly silent. "um."

"HEY LOOK AT ME I'M DISTRACTING," shouted Dr. Oz. "I'M TOTALLY NOT DOING THIS SO THE AUTHOR CAN DELAY ANSWERING QUESTIONS!"

"Wow, that's weird," noted Barack. "I totally just lost my train of thought. I'm going to forget every question I've ever had, including about the mental health of my children!"

"Brotatochip's probably going to end the chapter here, isn't she," Chara said.

"Stop calling me out or I'll write a chapter where you and Sans kiss," I replied.

"Do it, I dare you."

"Challenge accepted. I'll strike when you least expect it." And that's where I ended the chapter.


	2. On This Episode of: Brotatochip Is Terrible At Naming Chapters

Barack limped out of the hospital room, flanked by his husband and Obama’s Kid #2. Unsurprisingly, Michelle was nowhere to be seen.  _ she’s probably out somewhere with bill cipher _ , Sans thought bitterly. They had started dating only a few weeks after the divorce, and now Michelle was pregnant with her third and fourth children. He kicked a rock bitterly.

Behind them, Frisk, Chara, and Alphys walked together. Of course, Alphys couldn’t see Chara, but. The point still stands.

Alphys’s tail swished. “Um. W-where exactly are we going?”

“back to our house, so we can pack. wait.” He turned to Frisk. “kid, can we take stuff back in time?”

Frisk shrugged. “Some stuff, I think. I don’t really know.”

“well. we still need to make a plan of action, so.”

“W-who should run for p-president? Barack can’t, s-since he’s already been elected for two terms.”

“I can’t. I’m too young to run,” Frisk noted.

“I can’t either. Nobody can hear me except for, like, two people.” Chara crossed their arms.

“I smoked weed once,” Obama’s Kid #2. “I think that’s a felony. I don’t wanna google it.” She paused. “That just leaves-”

It was said, many years later, that at that moment, the entire Earth froze. People stopped walking. Birds stopped singing. Flowers stopped blooming. The fires of Hell itself paused in their eternal burning. Only the people and monsters walking along the path weren’t frozen in time. They turned their heads to the skeleton.

“you know what? i’ll give it a shot.”

And the world resumed.

Frisk’s jaw dropped open. “Wait, seriously?”

“yeah. i’d usually say i don’t have the guts, but.” He snorted at his bad joke. “i’m better than a walking cheeto with a dead raccoon on his head.”

“Fair point,” they conceded. Barack laughed faintly.

“hey, think you’re okay enough to go?” The skeleton tilted his head at his husband in concern.

“I’ll be fine. I’ve survived worse.” Which was actually true. He had survived the 8 or 9 times Sans had gone in public and then gotten mobbed by hundreds of rabid fangirls. His brother and the former president had managed to fend them off in time for him to teleport them out, but it was still extremely dangerous. Last time, Papyrus’s left hand was lobbed off by a particularly passionate kid in a pink dress and cat ears, and Barack had very nearly gotten stabbed with a boxcutter. The occurrences were far rarer now, but still concerning.

“wait. why don’t we just take a shortcut back?” Sans asked, stopping and staring confusedly into the distance.

“Because Brota-” the skeleton cut Chara off by glaring at them.

“Yeah, can you?” Frisk asked. “I think we need to get as early of a start as we can so we don’t all die in a nuclear war or something.”   
“Agreed,” said Barack. “Just be glad that 8 years of hard work towards environmental legislation hasn’t already been wast-” 

Just then, Obama’s Kid #2’s phone buzzed. “The House of Representatives just passed a bill that made it no longer necessary for selling of government land, like national parks, to make profit for the government. That makes it far easier for oil and timber companies to purchase it at a lower price.”

“Please tell me that the taxes aren’t getting messed up.”

“They are,” Obama’s Kid #1 chirped. “And part of Obamacare’s getting repealed, as well as the lowest tax bracket being completely erased from existence.”

Barack looked slightly unnerved. “Well, at least people can still read this fanfic online for fr-”

“The new chairman of the FCC wants to repeal Title II, which classifies internet as a utility and protects it from censorship.”

“Okay, that’s it.” The entire group was surrounded by a brilliant blue flash, and everyone came to a stop on the front steps of the Aster family home. “Everybody get ready to go. I’m calling Michelle to pick the kids up.” The monster pulled out his phone.

“But  _ Daaaad, _ I wanna go on a time travel adventure with you guys,” Obama’s Kid #1 whined.

“Sorry. It’s too dangerous. I can’t teleport people who are far away to us, especially if I have no idea where you are. I don’t know what me or your dad would do if anything happened to you two.”   
“Awwww,” the two Obama children said in unison. They sat together on the steps, and one pulled out her phone and started furiously scrolling through it. Sans finally dialed the number and held it up to his… ear? Skull? He doesn’t have ears. His skull.

“Hey, Michelle. Sans. ... Yeah. He’s fine. We’re at the house now. ... Think you could pick the kids up? ... Okay, we’ll be right over.” He hung up and turned to the kids. “everyone in the car.”

“Why can’t we just teleport?” Chara asked, tilting their head suspiciously at the skeleton.

“i get tired. there’s a cooldown, ya know?”   
“Sans, who are you talking to?” Barack looked as his husband in concern.

His eye lights disappeared. “No one.” 

Sans’s stepkids both raised their eyebrows at him, then continued doing their respective activities.

“okay. seriously, let’s get going.” He clicked the unlock button on his car keys, and the headlights flashed. 

As people piled into the SUV, Barack started to get in the driver’s seat, but Alphys stopped him. “I-it’s really not s-safe for you to drive, especially since you passed out. Antidaephobia is n-no joke.”

The former president sighed. “Alright. I’ll ride in the back.”

“shotgun,” the skeleton said, hopping in the seat next to the driver’s. 

“E-everybody buckled up?” Alphys asked, glancing backwards. “You too, Barack.”

“Aww,” he said, sadly bringing the seatbelt to its holder.

“alright. game plan: drive down 420 avenue and turn right. you’ll land on main street. drive right past the mcdonald’s, then take a left. michelle’s is the house right across from whole foods. drop off the kids, pick up joe from the animal shelter, then come back. we can go from there at the house.”

“Wow, th-that’s more planning than I’ve seen from you in a lifetime,” Alphys noted in surprise. “Well, we should get going.” Sans tossed her the keys, and she started up the car and began to drive.

As they drove down the streets, there was a feeling of sheer uneasiness. The entire town of Monsters Are Here I Guess was deathly silent. Not even birds sang. The shutters of houses were drawn tightly shut, and there were only two people on the street, vandalizing a wall. One dashed away, revealing their message: ALL HAIL TRUMP.

“What the,” Barack muttered softly.

The sound of screaming began to grow audible, and Sans tensed up. A few more people scuttled through the shadows of the historic buildings, each pausing to follow the movements of the car and its passengers.

“Alphys,” the skeleton said, talking through clenched teeth.   
“Yeah?”

“I want you to pull into the town hall’s parking lot, and then turn around. Wait at home until I give you the ok.”

“Wh-”   
His eye lights disappeared. “D r i v e.” He clutched a black can of  _ something  _ Alphys couldn’t quite see. She knew he was serious. The car started to pull around, but suddenly, something slammed directly into the rear window.

Obama’s Kid #1 and Obama’s Kid #2 screamed in unison. The car swerved and there was a loud thud. Alphys slammed on the brakes, throwing everyone forward. Her eyes darted around frantically. “I TH-THINK I JUST HIT SOMEONE WE NEED TO GET OUT.”   
“If we get out,  _ they will kill us. _ ”

“IF-IF WE DON’T GET OUT WE JUST COMMITTED A F-F-FELONY!”

Sans’s face scrunched up, then a seemingly unconscious human rose into the air and was placed on top of the SUV. He magically tied the ropes ordinarily used for bikes around the unfortunate victim, then glared at Alphys. “Happy?”

Alphys opened her mouth to tell him that yes, indeed, she was happy, but the car began to rock. “welp, we’re dead.” The skeleton deflated and held his head in his hands.

Hundreds of people in the same Trump t-shirts were mobbing the car. They screamed over each other, yelling something inaudible about… pizza places? Global warming? Nukes? Mike Flynn? Who the hell was Mike Flynn? Sans didn’t know, and he didn’t want to. 

Suddenly, the sound of a helicopter began to resonate across the town, jarring Sans out of his mourning. The human zombies screamed, starting to peel back as the airborne vehicle swooped down. It hovered in air for a brief moment, then a rope ladder unfurled from the door and dropped down just above the car’s roof. A manic Joe Biden, as well as about 18 puppies, popped out of the opening. “WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? GET IN!”

While Alphys worked frantically to figure out how to retract the sunroof, Sans concentrated on magically moving the human on top of the SUV. He did  _ not  _ have the energy for this.

As the inhabitants of the car worked on climbing the rope, the living zombies seemed to recover and began to clamor towards the car again, with the full intent of tearing apart the former first family. Alphys threw a lightning bolt at a small group, which proceeded to scream something about liberal witchcraft.

Sans took his time climbing the rope, even as rioters threw rock-filled water bottles at his heels. “try harder,” he suggested, finally pulling himself into the helicopter.

The dogs barked enthusiastically upon the arrival of someone made of bones. Several immediately attempted to gnaw on his legs, while others simply tackled him and went for his face. He snorted and shoved a few of them off of him, then turned his attention to Joe. “how the hell did you do this?”

“It was free adoption day at the animal shelter. I couldn’t resist,” he replied. A puppy leapt into his lap.

“i meant the helicopter and getting the dogs in here, but ok,” sans replied, shrugging and lying back on the floor.

“Remind me again what exactly we’re doing?” the pilot asked. 

“since we already have joe, we’re going to drop off the kids at michelle’s and then go back to my house.”

“Sounds good,” she replied, steering towards Whole Foods. Sans decided not to question why she knew where the Cipher family home was. Besides, thinking about all the effort he was going to put in was exhausting. Maybe if he just closed his eyes for a few seconds…

“SANS! WAKE UP!”

The skeleton jolted awake and came face-to-face with his little brother. The helicopter had landed on the lawn, and everybody else seemed almost ready to go. Alphys had three suitcases, Frisk wore a backpack, Barack had a messenger bag, and Joe was bringing a plastic Kroger bag into the helicopter. Strangely, Toriel had nothing.

Wait,  _ Toriel? _ Shit. He’d forgotten about her. And she was currently glaring daggers at Sans’ husband, who looked rather nervous. He was even more dead than he already was.

When the boss monster noticed that the skeleton was awake, she turned her head to make eye contact with him. “Sans. Would you care to explain why my child has a backpack full of clothes and is talking about saving the world with time travel?”

“uhhhh. they. uh. hm.” He needed to choose his words carefully. “if i told you that this was the only way to save the world from potential nuclear war and death by climate change, would you let them go? and, i mean, if anything bad happens, we’ll just be able to reset. it’s not like anything that happens to them is permanent,” he pointed out. 

“Still.” Toriel’s face grew anxious. “I don’t want to lose another child.”

Oh, wow. That was kind of hard to respond to. “I understand. But we can’t do this without them.”

She glanced at the ground for a moment, then met his eyes again. “Fine. But only because it is necessary for the plot.”

“YES!” Frisk cheered, stepping out from behind a conveniently-placed tree that had appeared in the middle of the driveway sometime in the last two minutes.

“ALRIGHT! THE DOOR IS LOCKED AND I HAVE FED PIERRE. PLEASE TELL PAST PAPYRUS THAT HE MANAGES TO GET COOLER LATER. AND STAY OUT OF TROUBLE!”

“will do, bro. gonna be kinda hard though. i’m  **bone to be wild** .” Sans grinned at his (now screaming) brother, then walked to the circle of people and bags in the center of the driveway. “alright kid, do the thing.”

And the world started to fade away.

**Author's Note:**

> im sorry. im so sorry


End file.
